People pleasers often find themselves caught in a cycle of prioritizing others’ needs and desires over their own. While this might seem selfless, it can gradually erode their sense of self and well-being. Constantly seeking validation from external sources can leave them feeling drained, unfulfilled, and disconnected from their own wants and aspirations.

 People pleasers are at a higher risk of experiencing burnout due to the demands they place on themselves to meet the expectations of others. The pressure to always be agreeable, accommodating, and self-sacrificing takes a toll on their mental and physical health.

 The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing:

1. Neglected Self-Care: People pleasers are so focused on meeting the needs of others that they often neglect their own needs and emotions. Regular self-care activities such as relaxation, exercise, and hobbies take a backseat, contributing to burnout.
2. Suppressed Emotions: Suppressing one’s true feelings and opinions to avoid conflict or disappointment can lead to emotional repression. Over time, this can result in a build-up of stress and resentment.
3. Boundary Erosion: People pleasers struggle to set healthy boundaries, often saying “yes” when they want to say “no.” This leads to overcommitment and an inability to prioritize their own needs.
4. Constant Approval-Seeking: Self-worth becomes tied to how much we do for others and other people’s opinions of you. This can lead to a loss of identity, disconnection and resentment.
5. Loss of Authenticity: People pleasers often lose touch with their authentic selves as they mold their behavior to fit the expectations of others. Instead of investing energy into their authentic selves, energy is invested into who they believe they should be.

1. Don’t say YES say MAYBE: Saying ‘no’ may seem daunting to tackle right away. You can ease your way into “no” by starting with a “maybe”. Saying something like “Maybe, let me get back to you.” helps create space for you to reflect if you really want to say yes or if your saying yes to please.

2. When to say yes: You may be asking ‘How do I know if I want to say yes because I want to or if I’m people pleasing?’ Here’s a check in:

• Do I have the time and energy for this
• Is this something that connects with my values and personal interest
• When I imagine going do I feel joy or resentment and dread?

3. Every time you say yes, you are saying no to something else: Make this your new mantra. There is only so much time in a day, so be careful what you say yes to and make sure it’s something you find to be worth your time and energy.

The journey to becoming a recovering people pleaser is not easy. Your worth is not tied to what you do for others or people’s judgment of you. People pleasing comes at a cost, is it one you want to continue to pay?

Authentic Change Therapy is dedicated to helping people overcome their anxiety and leave people pleasing behind. If you are interested in therapy for anxiety in St. Louis, schedule a session with us at our Clayton, MO office.